Confessions of a Drama Princess

I met Mike Babcock, Pavil Datsyuk, Johnathon Erikson, and a whole bunch of the wings guys! I almost peed my pants!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Still pregnant. Sorry to disappoint you.

Baby is healthy. I'm losing weight. All is good.

How long has it been sense any of you have contacted me? Texted, talked, left comments. Think on it.......................

So it's a Boy, I'm thinking Aidian William. Whatcha all think?

"Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leafs a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay."
--Robert Frost

I am done making the effort. I try to talk to my so called "friends" and ya'll are too busy or not around. If you wanna be my friend make the damn effort. I'm sick of being the only one trying.

If you saw ME in a police car, what would you think I'd been arrested for?

Answer me, then if you want, post to your own journal and see how many crimes you get accused of.

So to update.....

The puppies are almost ready to be sold. I'm selling them both for 250, then getting the MAMA fixed. I'm not going through that crap again.

I am now working 2 full time jobs. I'm working as a CNA at the county care facility down here. So far it's a pretty awesome job. The whole 16hrs a day is kinda kicking my ass. But eh fuck it I'll live.

Hopefully with the money from the 2 jobs I will be able to pay my bills and finally get a car of some sort.

John came up and visited me. He was here for 4 days. He brought some stuff here, and basically we just had a ton of sex. Then on weds when he was suppose to leave he asked me to come back. And I said no, and told him that he had to leave so I could goto my parents and do laundry. Oddly enough the goodbye that morning brought the one thing that I needed the most. A little bit of closure and that part of my life. I feel lighter, like maybe the sun is getting just a little brighter. One thing is for sure. I will never go back to him up there. He would have to come down here, and I don't ever see that happening so I think i'm safe.

Total weight loss as of yesterday : 50lbs. I'm damn close to being under 210. Makes me proud of myself. Might have to go get a massage. I get half off at the spa inside the hotel i work at. So it's kinda win win.......

That's pretty much it........................ I'm wonderwoman.......but the outfit rides up.....

I leave on Sat. I tried to say goodbye to everyone and I couldn't. Cell is 9063704703. If you have anything of mine, or vice versa let me know. Sabrina can either take or give................

Bye everyone

As I come home, I drive up to our building
My stomach starts getting knots in it
Out house is not a home anymore

I sit in our living room, just minding my own business
And then you start in on your tirades on bitching
No matter what I do I can't seem to block you out

When you call my cell phone, you never leave a positive message
Would it kill you to day "How was your day?"
Instead of screaming in the phone, as I pull it away from my ear

I can't make myself feel anything for you
My heart has become so numb and frozen
All the hurtful words have cut deep inside

There is no way to resurrect the love we once had
So many things have been said that can never be taken back
I just can't make myself love you

As hard as it is to let go after all these months
I want to feel a pulse in my body, and live life to the fullest
One day I will be free to chase my dreams and love again.

So for those of you who don't know what really been going on lately with me here's the deal:

1) John beat me up. I've got a split lip and some pretty nasty bruises.

2) John left me because he "Doesn't like me, and was in it for the money and sex"

3) Can't afford my apartment, so asking Carolyn to move in with me.

4) I am taking both dogs, if he takes or doesn't anything to either dog I will call the cops.

5) Working two jobs and trying to find a 3rd.

Pretty much it............

11 days till lift off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

14 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

15 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

17 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Till I finally get a real break. I can't wait. YAY love you Kaylyn

So I just cannot seem to win at life anymore. I wish I could just give up. I am so sick of all this grown up bull shit. I am not cut out for politicking, being hated, used, and thrown around like I mean nothing. I have been lied to continuously for the last 3 months. In every aspect of my life right now all there is is lies. It's all starting to add up to more than I can take. I've done good so far, I haven't really flipped out or anything. Most people are noticing I'm a lot quieter, I am starting to get very very depressed. I really don't see a light at the end of this tunnel. I will never be better than what I am. I am doomed to minimum wage jobs, and to live my life without love. I barely spoke today when I got home. But somehow I am still "high maintenance" because I dare to ask for a kiss before bed. OMG I am a horrible person for that apparently. Why does my life have to be so shitty? I don't know what I did in life to deserve this, karma hates me. The only joy in my life right now is frank. How sad is that? The only thing that makes me happy is a dog. What sucks is where I am now, I will never get married, never have any type of family, never get out of debt, and never be happy. But I am stuck here. Stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck.......................................... I wish I never would have decided to goto Michigan Tech. I wish I would have taken the sous chef job when it was offered. I wish I would have walked away when I had the chance. I wish I never would have gotten myspace, livejournal, or facebook. I wish I would have truly OD'd. I wish that I wouldn't have fucked things up with Jeri because I was scared. I wish I still had Leland to balance me. I wish I had real friends. I just want to drive my car off a cliff, or speed around a corner and into a tree, or maybe go flying into another car. The ending would be the same. I would be dead, so no one would have to worry about how I am going to react to something, or about how much drama I'm going to create, or that I'm not mature enough, or to opinionated, or that I breathe each day and it kills you to have to watch it.

The end

How can you still someone something that you know will upset them a great deal, but you have to let them know they hurt you?

Definitely applies in my life right now. Let just say twice now I've been burnered....

I have managed to get together 50. Still 100 to go in one week.....FUCK

I need 150 or i goto jail, how awesome is that? Fuck

And I am broke